Let me start off by saying something that everyone already knows: elephants are cool. They are cool because they are big. As I’m sure you already know, they are largest land animal alive today. Of course, elephants have been around for a while now, and I think they need a bit of a… redesign.

With our totally awesome modern technology we can do all kinds of really fucking cool shit. I mean we can make robots do are fighting and/or chores for us! We can give people fake organs when their real ones stop working! We even have a worldwide network of interconnected computer which allows anyone access to almost any piece of information they want whenever they want it. All I’m saying is, we take an elephant, and make it into an awesome cyborg thing.

OK, so first, we would probably have to create a genetically engineered elephant clone. Now, elephants are pretty tough, but our modern weapons can kill them pretty easily. That is why armor plating and a missile defense system will be included on the elephant 2.0. Special armor plates (probably made from a combination of Kevlar and carbon fiber) will be attached to the elephant to shield it it from enemy fire. The elephant will also have four lasers as part of an anti-missile defense system. It will have one on each flank, one on its forehead and one on its ass. Instead of a normal elephant trunk, it will have a totally awesome robotic trunk. This will also have a laser, however this laser will be for offensive purposes. The elephant 2.0 will also be equipped with a missile launcher on its back. This will replace part of its spine and since it won’t be needing all of its internal organs, the ammo can go inside of its body. Another possibility is replacing the missile launcher with either a rail gun or a coil gun.

Now that’s all well and good, but it’s not like the elephant is all that much cooler than any modern tank, right? WRONG!!! Tanks can’t fly (well, except for one during WWII that the Americans tried to develop. Needless to say, the idea never really got off the ground [pun very much intended]). This elephant will be equipped with an advanced VTOL (vertical take off and landing) system. It will include two jet thrusters and somewhere between one and four helicopter blades.

Of course, you can’t really trust an elephant with all these expensive systems can you? No, you can’t. That is why an advanced artificial intelligence will be implanted into its partially computerized brain in order to supplement its mediocre elephant intelligence. This will allow it to not only overpower its enemies, but also outsmart them.

So let’s review. We have here the elephant 2.0. A marvel of future technology. It has both defensive and offensive lasers, armor plating, an artificial intelligence implanted into its computer-brain, a missile launcher (or rail gun or coil gun) and it can fly. You know what? I think it’s fucking awesome. You know what, fuck that. It is fucking awesome! Trust me, one day, these things will be the future of war. Yeah, they’ll totally replace humans and tanks and shit. And do you know why? I think it’s obvious by now… yeah, that’s right. It’s because they totally kick ass!