This is a little narrative I wrote to fuck with my English teacher in school. It’s not all that great but it’s not bad.

A few years ago, in a quiet suburb of New Whoville, as I sat reading a newspaper on a bench in the park. It seemed to be more or less like any other day, until, that is, a strange boy showed up riding a large dog. He was holding a large white, rectangular sign with bold black print that read simply “I am Sam.” While I may have thought this to be unusual at first, I paid no mind to it. Though I can’t say I was particularly pleased by all the noise the boy was making.

A few moments passed before I noticed the strange boy coming back. This time he was riding a large cat-like creature. He also had a new sign, one that read “Sam I am” in large red letters. Looking around, I noticed that there was no one else in the vicinity. This “Sam-I-Am” character must have been directing his activities toward me. Now I was clearly quite busy reading my newspaper. This is something that would surely have been apparent to him the first time he passed. I decided that Sam-I-Am was in fact a very rude gentleman. “Fortunately,” I thought, “he appears to have left for good this time.”

This was not so. Only a moment later he appeared yet again, this time holding a strange extendable hand-like contraption. The hand was holding a platter on top of which there was, what appeared to be, two eggs with green yolks and a green ham. And then he spoke: “do you like green eggs and ham?”

“I do not like them, Sam-I-Am. I do not like green eggs and ham.” was my prompt and polite response.

Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, he brandished two large pointing sticks and pointed to nearby spots asking “if I like them here or there.”

Now, at this point, I naturally became quite angry and proceeded to explain to him that I do not like green eggs and ham, no matter where they are offered, and left immediately.

Sam-I-Am however, was very persistent. As I passed a house, he appeared inside of it and hollered to me asking if I would like them (the green eggs and ham) in a house or with a mouse. Once again, I politely explained to him that I would not and left.

Sam-I-Am, had other plans. It seems he refused to let me be, offering the strangely colored breakfast to me “in a box” and “with a fox.” My response was the same, yet he once again, refused to leave me alone. He appeared in a car and pleaded “Eat them! Eat them! Here they are!”

“Not in a car! You let me be.” I begged, but he pushed on, refusing yo relent.

Sam-I-Am would not give me peace! He simply would not! In a tree, on a train. No! In the dark? No not in the dark! I pleaded, I begged, but no. In the rain, with a goat, on a boat? No! No! NO!! “I do not like green eggs and ham! I do not like them Sam-I-Am.”

“Try them! Try them! And you may. Try them and you may, I say.”

I could not take it any more, I simply could not! This Sam-I-Am would kill me with his constant begging and pleading and pestering and persuading and bothering and bugging. I concede. “Sam! If you will let me be, I will try them. You will see.”

I picked up the fork he offered and stabbed it unto one of the eggs (both were sunny side up). Reluctantly, I lifted it into my mouth… “Say! I like green eggs and ham! I do! I like them, Sam-I-Am!”

Instantly I felt like a complete and utter fool. These were delicious! OH how stubborn and stupid I have been. Why? Why did I not listen to Sam-I-Am? “Thank you! Thank you, Sam-I-Am!”

 

In case you didn’t realize, it’s Green Eggs and Ham from the perspective of the old dude.